I went to waterfire tonight with my friend Meg and Dave (aka Turban Boy). I spent most of the night with him, walking around the city trying to find his friend Chris (who isn't very good with directions) and every time he brushed up against me I wished it wasn't as brief.
There was beautiful music playing and I had the strong temptation to start dancing with him, if it was the only way I could make him stay near me for more than a second.
I asked him to dance once. He told me he saved dancing for people he loved.
Months later, he asked me to dance with him. I told him I don't dance.
I knew about him. I remembered what he had said. I love to dance.
I didn't want to accept that I was falling for him because he's not the type of guy who tries to get your attention, or plays with you. He pushes you away because he doesn't ever think he's worth you. I wish he could see how amazing he is.
I worry that he never will. That would be horrible. I can't imagine how broken I would feel if he never realized that. I don't think I've ever told him though. I guess it's sort of my fault then.
I think he loves me too. Meg seems to think we were made for each other. She knows me better than I do, so I believe her. But I don't want to. I'm not ready to be mature enough; to accept that I've grown to not want the 'prince charming'. It's strange to me, because I've always been that way. Like everyone else.
Its because I care to much. I care too much about what people think about me. Which, I guess isn't wrong really, because it's the norm, which means it's acceptable, but I desperately want to be a person who doesn't care. Most people think I don't, but the truth is, I'm just a really good fake.
I keep trying to describe him but I don't think it's possible for me to say it with words. I don't think anyone could. He's such a complex person, if anyone claimed to capture who he is with words it would be wrong. He's endless.
I love him.
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